| Unlockable: | How to unlock: |
| Bestest Infiltrator | Win an Infiltration map |
| Big Dipper | Earn all 21 stars in challenge mode |
| Bipolar | Switch between Brian and Stewie 10 times in Story mode |
| Bird Is The Word | Taunt 5 times in a row with Peter |
| Boom Headshot | Kill 75 enemies with headshots |
| Bunch of Chumps | Survive 15 waves of enemies in Multiverse Madness |
| Cartoon Apocalypse | Survive 30 waves in Multiverse Madness |
| Chicken Fight! | Complete the "Chicken Fight!" level |
| Chickens In Space | Complete the "Chickens In Space" level |
| Day Labor | Destroy all of the piņatas |
| Employee of the Month | Kill Vernon |
| First Kill | Successfully complete your first kill of a member of the opposing team in Multiplayer |
| Grease Can't Save You Now | Win a Capture the "Greased-Up Deaf Guy" match |
| Handicapable | Complete the "Handicapable" level |
| Head Shot | Kill an enemy with a single shot to the head |
| Help From My Friends | Acquire any collectible special inventory items and use it 25 times in Story Mode |
| How Do I Jump? | Kill yourself with a grenade or satchel charge |
| IEDead | Kill 60 enemies with grenades/explosives |
| It's All Greek To Me | Complete the "It's All Greek To Me" level |
| Justified | Kill 500 enemies using Brian |
| Kings of Quahog | Win a deathmatch mode (free-for-all or as a team) |
| Little Dipper | Earn 10 stars in challenge mode |
| Lockdown | Shut out the other team from scoring in Capture the "Greased-Up Deaf Guy" |
| Long John Peter | Complete the "Long John Peter" level |
| Mort Will Now Lend You Credit | Buy everything available in the Store |
| Mr. Unpopular | Select Meg as a character for a Multiplayer match |
| Multi-kill | Perform a multi-kill with a melee weapon |
| Multi-kill with grenade | Perform a multi-kill with a grenade |
| No Cheese, Please | Complete the "No Cheese, Please" level |
| No Place Like Home | Complete the "No Place Like Home" level |
| Obsessed | Complete all secondary objectives |
| One Shot Kills | Successfully kill an enemy with one shot |
| Penny Pincher | Successfully collect $50,000 |
| Pervert | Hang around Quagmire in a baby costume for 30 seconds |
| Pussy Whipped | Complete the "Pussy Whipped" level |
| Roadhouse | Kill 3 members of the opposing team with a melee attack before you die in Multiplayer |
| Santa's Sweatshop | Complete the "Santa's Sweatshop" level |
| Scorched Earth | Burn the Amish pot fields |
| Shut Up Meg | Kill Meg during a Multiplayer Match |
| Something's Amish | Complete the "Something's Amish" level |
| Stewie-nator | Kill 500 enemies using Stewie |
| Teabag a D-Bag | Taunt a dead opponent with Quagmire in Multiplayer |
| Teabaggin' | Successfully perform a taunt 25 times |
| The Cleaner | Get a 10 kill streak in Deathmatch |
| There Is No Cake | Unlock all other Achievements found in the game |
| Ugly Tastes Terrible | Play poorly during the final showdown |
| We Be Clubbing | Defeat 10 enemies with a melee weapon |
| Wrecking Ball | Smash your opponent into something 20 times in the "Chicken Fight!" level |
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