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_           _
| |     ___ (_) ___  _   _  _ __  ___
| |    / _ \| |/ __|| | | || '__|/ _ \
| |___|  __/| |\__ \| |_| || |  |  __/
|_____|\___||_||___/ \__,_||_|   \___|
/ ___|  _   _ (_)| |_
\___ \ | | | || || __|
_        ___) || |_| || || |_  _____
| |     _|____/ _\__,_||_|_\__||___  |_
| |    / _` || '__|| '__|| | | |  / /(_)
| |___| (_| || |   | |   | |_| | / /  _
|_____|\__,_||_|   |_|    \__, |/_/  (_)
|___/
\_|)    _          _      |\   _    ,_        ()   _,   o  |\  |
|    / \_ |  |_ |/      |/  / \_ /  |       /\  / |   |  |/  |
(\__/ \_/   \/   |_/     |_/ \_/     |/     /(_) \/|_/ |/ |_/ o
|)
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A Comprehensive Walkthrough/FAQ by Thuyker
Version 1.0
E-mail: Thuyker AT aol DOT com
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
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(KEYWORD)
I. Introduction .................................................... kw-int
II. Frequently Asked Questions ...................................... kw-faq
III. Walkthrough ..................................................... kw-wth
IV. Items ........................................................... kw-ite
V. Characters ...................................................... kw-cha
VI. Points List ..................................................... kw-pts
VII. Where's Dildo? .................................................. kw-dil
VIII. Easter Eggs List ................................................ kw-egg
IX. Guide Information ............................................... kw-inf
A. Version History
B. Email information
C. Credits
D. Legal Stuff
To quickly jump to a specific section, click HERE first, then press CTRL-F
and type in the Keyword.
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I. INTRODUCTION                                                          kw-int
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Leisure Suit Larry 7: Love for Sail! is the final game in the classic adventure
game series from Sierra.  Featuring a brand new interface, excellent voice
acting, and the same brand of raunchy humor that kept gamers eagerly awaiting
each game in the series, it certainly didn't disappoint.  A word of warning to
those planning to use this FAQ/Walkthrough: this game is of an adult nature,
and as such, this walkthrough contains adult material as well.
While the guide is not written in the most "efficient" manner (you will have to
revisit many areas over), I feel that this is for the better.  I wrote the
walkthrough below so that you can see where the game's hints naturally lead
you, rather than writing it so that you have knowledge of what exact actions
you should perform in an area, even though the game hasn't suggested it yet
and even though you have no idea why you're doing what you're doing.  I hope
you like this approach, and most of all, I hope that you have fun!
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II. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS                                           kw-faq
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Q: What kind of game is Leisure Suit Larry 7?
A: It's a point-and-click adventure game.  Basically, you move ("point") the
cursor around the screen, and click to perform an action.  What action is
performed depends on what icon is selected (i.e. "talk," "pick up," etc.)
By using a combination of these actions and interactions with characters,
you solve puzzles that allow you to progress further in the game.
---
Q: Is there nudity in this game?
A: Yes, there are several cartoon-graphic bare breasts in the game, as well as
several sex scenes.
---
Q: Should I let my kid play this game?
A: See the above question.  Now, if you're okay with cartoon nudity, this game
still contains a lot of sexual innuendo, and you may be worried that your
child may develop the idea that all women are materialistic, etc., as they
are in this game.  Having said that, I played it as a teenager, and I think
I'm still pretty normal.  :-)
---
Q: Where do I find all of the dildos?
A: Please skip down to Section VII (keyword kw-dil) for a complete listing.
---
Q: Does this game have any hidden Easter Eggs?
A: Yes - eight of them, in fact.  They are listed in the walkthrough as well as
in Section VIII (keyword kw-egg).
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III. WALKTHROUGH                                                         kw-wth
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Note: the numbers in parentheses are the points awarded for certain actions.
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-=| Cutscene |=-
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| Just when you thought you had found true love, things don't turn out  |
| quite the way you expected - but then again, they never do in Leisure |
| Suit Larry games, do they?  The beauty Larry won over at the end of   |
| "Shape Up or Slip Out!," Shamara, has had a change of heart.  Her     |
| passion isn't for New Age philosophy any more, but rather, money.     |
| And so, she leaves you handcuffed to her bed, before leaving with     |
| your wallet and sticking a cigarette in your mouth.  You're not a big |
| fan of lung cancer, however, and end up coughing the cigarette on the |
| bed, which then catches on fire!                                      |
|_______________________________________________________________________|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Shamara's Penthouse =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Don't panic quite just yet...you can't die in this game.  Now that we can relax
a little, take a look around your surroundings.  Look at the left nightstand,
and you will see a pair of "Vice" Grips, which you should pick up (1).  Now,
look over at the right nightstand, and you should see a Lil' Hair Weave Kit,
which you should also pick up (1).  Now, go into your inventory, click on the
kit, and select open, to find a needle (1).  If only we could bend these so
that we could pick the lock!
You can't use your fingers to do so, but fortunately, we have the Vice Grips:
use them on the needle to bend it (1).  Now, exit your inventory screen and
click on the handcuffs, then use your bent needle on them to pick the lock (2).
You'll automatically run to the balcony, but if you try to open the door, you
find that it's melted shut.  So, let's break through the glass!  Click on the
chair and select "throw," but unfortunately, the glass holds up.  Instead, try
the lamp - nope, too heavy.  So, we'll have to do something that's new to the
Leisure Suit Larry games.  Click on the door, then select "other."  This will
bring up a dialog box, asking what you want to do to the glass patio door; we
want to "break" it of course, so type that in (2).
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-=| Cutscene |=-
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| You've escaped being burnt to a crisp!  Well, almost...there's still  |
| the matter of getting down from the 40th floor penthouse.  Before     |
| jumping, you find a small piece of paper, and then make a leap of     |
| faith.  Things don't go too great, however, as you bounce off of the  |
| net, off a Viking woman's tits, and end up with your mouth wrapped    |
| around a large...cactus.  Fortunately, that piece of paper you picked |
| up just happens to be a ticket for a cruise ship!  After meeting      |
| Captain Thygh of the P.M.S. Bouncy, you're given a keycard to your    |
| cabin.                                                                |
|_______________________________________________________________________|
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Purser's Desk =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Shortly after you've been given your cabin room keycard, you'll hear the
announcement that anyone who wants to spend the next week humping the cabin
should report to the lounge immediately!  Of course, that includes us, so let's
make our way over there.  First, though, in the distance shot, look to the
right of the waterfall on the same level as you.  Hidden behind the palm trees
is a red and white striped object - click on it, and you'll see a dildo dance
away!  There are 32 of these hidden throughout the game for you to find as a
play on "Where's Waldo;" fun stuff, huh?  Anyways, to pull up your map of the
ship, either go into your inventory and click on "Map" --> "Look," or right-
click anywhere on the screen and select "Map."   When the map comes up, you'll
see the different stories of the ship - the red area in the second floor from
the top is the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge, so click on it to go there.
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= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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| Peter will explain the "Thygh's Man Trophy Contest," in which the     |
| prize is not an actual trophy, but a week with the Captain!  To win   |
| the contest, you will have to compete in a number of events - highest |
| scorer wins.                                                          |
|_______________________________________________________________________|
After everyone has left, look on the floor just a little to the left and below
of where you are standing.  Next to the left chair in the middle row, there is
another red and white striped dildo to click.  Feel free to look around the
room a little more, but there's not much else to do, so walk down towards the
bottom right into the next screen.
You'll see Johnson, the bartender, in a window.  Click on him and talk to him
(2) to bring up a closeup view, as well as a list of available topics.  On the
left side of the window is a little knot in the wood, with something red and
white just barely visible - yup, another "Where's Dildo?"  Order a drink or
talk to him if you wish, but you don't really get anything out of it.  Go ahead
and exit this closeup, walk down one screen, and then click on the door below
the stage to exit the lounge.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Aft Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Once out on the deck, you should notice a square flashing in the bottom right
of your screen.  That's your cue to Scratch-n-Sniff the appropriate box on the
card that came with your game.  Also, you may see a burly Pirate woman, with
various janitorial equipment as a peg-leg.  Go ahead and talk to her (note, you
can also talk to her anywhere on this level, as she moves around).  After you
introduce yourselves, a dialog box with several conversation topics will come
up.  I'd recommend going through all of them eventually, because she has some
pretty entertaining responses, but there are certain topics you should ask
about in particular, eventually.
Ask Peggy about her peg leg (11), and she'll tell you that combining KZ Jelly
and deodorant spray make for quite an explosive combination.  You can also ask
about "Other," then type in "Captain Thygh" to find out what a little hoochie
mama the captain is!  Go ahead and try other topics, but she doesn't seem to
know much about anything else (at least not yet).
Anyways, once you've finished talking to her, in the top right corner, you
should see a topiary shaped like a dildo - in the pot it's in is yet another
"Where's Dildo."  Now, let's finish exploring the rest of this floor.  Walk
left one screen, in the foreground (you can also go behind the lounge entrance,
but we will go there in just a little while).
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= Promenade Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You should now find yourself on the Promenade Deck.  As usual, take a close
look at the various topiaries, especially the beaver one.  That's not a turd
sticking out of his rear end - it's a dildo!  Click on it to claim another
"Where's Dildo?"  Now, take a look at the fire hose cabinet, and then open it
(1) and grab the fire hose (3).  You're done here for now, so walk left one
more screen.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Fo'c's'le Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
One of the first things you'll notice is the well-endowed sheep topiary, along
with a "Where's Dildo?" in plain sight under it, which you should click on.
My, those are some truly magnificent balls on that sheep - click on them, then
select "take" to grab a pair of kumquats (2).  Talk to Rod, and you'll find out
that he ordinarily entertains children on the ship, although there are none on
this particular cruise.  Continue talking to him as many times as you want, and
he'll make some balloon animals, ranging from eagles to owls.  Interestingly
enough, they all look more like balloon cock-and-balls than wildlife.  Anyways,
once you're done being entertained, let's go check out your cabin.  Pull up
your map, and you'll see that Cabin 0 is all the way at the bottom/rear of the
boat - click on it to head over there.
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
You automatically enter the cabin (2), and find that it's a dark, mildewed hole
fit for rats; we'll just have to make the best of it and work that much harder
to win the competition and get a week's stay with the Captain!  Near your feet
is a bucket, and peeking out from behind it is another "Where's Dildo?" - click
on it.  Look some more around your room.  The toilet isn't working, and seems
to be plugged up.  Underneath the toilet is the clogged drain pipe, with a
spray can sticking out of the end of it.  Click on the can and take it (3) to
unclog the pipe, then try to flush the toilet.  You'll find that the drain pipe
hasn't been connected to a water pipe in 34 years, so let's change that.  The
water pipe is all the way across the room, near the steps, however, so we'll
need to somehow connect the two.  Got any ideas?
Yup, the water hose.  On the water pipe, click "Use" --> "Fire Hose," and you
will automatically connect the hose to the pipe and toilet (9).  Try flushing
the toilet again, and you'll see that it works (2)!  Now we can finally use it:
click on the toilet and select "Other," than type in "piss" (1).  While we're
at it, let's go ahead and take a dump, as well: do the same thing, and type in
"shit" (1).  Various other verbs may work for the above, but you get the idea.
When you're done, take the nearby toilet paper (2), then go into your inventory
and look at it (1).  When you're done, click on yourself and "Use" --> "Toilet
Paper."  It's not Charmin' brand, unfortunately.
By this point, you may have heard the announcement that someone has won a
particular competition.  Don't worry, though, as it wasn't one you were entered
in, and there is no rush to get to the ones that you are in.  You're pretty
free to explore the various areas of the ship right now, but let's go ahead and
check out the dining area, the Heaving Ho'.  Pull up your map and click on the
large blue area one deck below the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= The Heaving Ho' =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The most obvious feature of the room is the large ice sculpture of Captain
Thygh as a mermaid.  Click on it and lick it, if you wish.  For some reason,
you lick her back instead of more..."choice" parts.  Oh well...assembled along
the bottom of the screen is a buffet of various foods.  Most of them look very
appetizing, but in the Greek Salad is another "Where's Dildo?"  One thing that
you can and should eat, however, is the bean dip on the left side of the screen
(4).  Once you've had a few bits, click on yourself and select "fart" (1), then
go ahead and smell your scratch-n-sniff card if you'd like.  Now, click on the
meat carver to the right and look at him to bring up a closeup view of Wang.
In the sausage tray to the right, you'll notice a strange striped one.  Click
on it to find another "Where's Dildo?"  If you try to take such things as the
knife, Wang won't let you.  Talk to him to get a serving of s'Pork, and then a
second time to get another (9).  Out of s'Pork, Wang has to run and get more,
leaving you free to pilfer as you please.  Take the carving knife (3) and the
heat lamp bulb (3), and then exit the closeup.  Walk into the doors on the left
to enter the Kitchen.
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Kitchen =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
You'll see even more hanging meat along the right side of the room, and at the
end of one string, another "Where's Dildo?"  Look at the fish heads in the
basket (1), and take the fish wrapped in the magazine (2).  You'll throw the
fish in the trashcan, but keep the magazine.  Go into your inventory and read
the magazine page (5), and you'll obtain a recipe, which you'll need later.
Also make sure to look at the large fish net (1) hanging from the ceiling, and
the pink poodle, Fifi, in the top left corner (1).  Looking around the room
some more, you'll see a pot in the bottom left corner, which you should take
(2), along with a salt shaker you should also nab (2).  Finally, click on the
CaviarMaster 2000 and select "Operate" to squeeze out some fish eggs (1).  That
is about all we can do in here for now, so let's explore the P.M.S. Bounty a
little more.  Pull up your map, and go to the large pink circle, Das Grande
Atriumo.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Das Grande Atriumo  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
This area should look familiar to you - it's where you started right after you
boarded the ship.  Remember how we got out first dildo, behind the palm trees?
Now, there is another one here - can you see it?  It's on the same floor as
you, on the side of the door.  Click it for another "Where's Dildo?" and enter
the aforementioned door.
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
It turns out that that door took us into the library.  The first thing you will
probably notice is another "Where's Dildo?" on the ground, by the Grandfather
clock - click it and watch it dance away.  Now, look at the stuffed beaver atop
the right shelf (1), and start looking at the books as well.  Certain books you
may want to take a look at, and try to take, is the green one on the right
shelf, about Fokker (2), and the blue one on the bottom shelf, about electro-
magnetism (2).  It's not terribly important that you remember what these two
books say, but keep them in the back of your mind.
Now, walk around the right corner, and you should meet the librarian, Victorian
Principles (3).  A rather long list of topics should pop up, but go ahead and
ask about all of them if you like.  If not, ask about "your book," and you will
find out that she likes books that affirm moral principles - not that racy,
spicy stuff.  Also, choose "check out" and then "pile of books," and you'll
discover that all those books are checked out to her.  Look at the top one, and
you'll see that it's a book called "Prudish and Proud."  In front of the books
is a jar of mucilage, or paste.  She won't let you take it however...unless you
select "other" from the topics and type in something random.  Whatever you type
in, she'll look up for you on her computer, turning her back; quickly steal the
mucilage before she turns back around (5)!  You can also ask her about Captain
Thygh, and she'll tell you that the captain spends all her time in her room.
That's about it for now, so exit and pull out your map.  Head over to the
nearby Poop Deck.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Poop Deck =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You start off by a tower of champagne glasses, with two blonde in a nearby hot
tub.  Look at them, and you'll meet the Juggs, Nailmi and her daughter,
Wydoncha (3).  Talk to them, especially about the "cruise," and then "heat,"
and you'll learn that silicone lubricant, spandex, and hot lights do NOT mix
well!  Also, you can select "other" and type in such things as "tits," "sex,"
and "hot tub" for more responses, just for fun.  When you're done, say goodbye,
and they'll tell you to catch their show in the lounge later that night.  Pull
out your map, and let's head for the Clothing Optional Pool, on the same deck.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Clothing Optional Pool  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Was that Ron Jeremy walking by just then?  Anyways, on the ground in the bottom
left corner, partially hidden by the bushes, is another "Where's Dildo?"  Once
you've clicked on it, talk to the cabana steward, Dick, and he'll give you a
loaner swimsuit, shaped like an elephant (2).  You'll then meet the lovely Drew
Baringmore when she accidentally gets sunscreen in her eyes, and you help her
out with a towel.  It seems like Drew is quite the history buff; she even wrote
that book on Fokker, that you read in the library earlier.  You'll then talk to
her about where you got your swimsuit (3), but she seems a little disappointed.
Anyways, a list of topics should come up.  Ask about "clothing," and Drew will
tell you that she has her cabin boy lock up her suitcase.  She'll also order a
"gigantic erection" cocktail from the waiter.  If you choose "your book," she
will just hand it over, as she's all done with it (11)!  Ask about Fokker (13),
and you'll discuss him for a little bit, while the camera slowly pans down...
DAMN, she makes you keep your eyes on her eyes.  Continue asking about Fokker-
related topics, until you can ask her "my place?" and "you can't?"  Remember
the cabin boy she told you about?  Well, she can't walk around the ship without
any clothes, so you'll have to find him to get her dressed, before she can come
back to your place.
Once you've finished talking to her about everything, don't say "goodbye" quite
just yet?  See that pesky branch covering her breasts?  Click on it, and choose
"other," then type in "push."  Wow...you can thank me later, horn dog.  By the
way, if you had actually taken your eyes off Drew's tits, you might've noticed
a little Easter Egg flashing in the top left corner.  There are a few more in
the game, and I'll definitely point them out to you.  We're about done here for
now, though, so say bye to Drew.  After you exit out of the closeup, take the
Persons Magazine sitting on the table, and you'll read an article about the
Juggs (3).
Go into your inventory, and look at the book that Drew just gave you.  Sound
like anything a certain someone might like?  Even though Victorian said that
she didn't like spicy books, you could almost smell the estrogen in the air as
she talked about them.  Let's go pay her another visit: pull out your map and
click on the library again.
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
Walk around the right corner, and you'll see Victorian put down her "Prudish
and Proud" book.  If you try to click on her and "Use" --> "The Erotic
Adventures of Hercules," she won't accept it, so we'll have to try to find a
sneakier way to get her to read it.  Remember how we got the mucilage?  Select
"other" and then type some random word in.  While she's turned around, quickly
take "Prudish and Proud" (6), then go into your inventory and click on it and
remove the book jacket (4).  Now, use the book jacket with "The Erotic
Adventures of Hercules." (14)  By this point, Victorian may have finished
looking up your word on the computer, so simply select "other" again and type
in a different one.  You can also ask her about Drew Baringmore, by the way,
but she won't turn her back for this one.
While her back is turned once again, click on the pile of books, and select
"Use" --> "'Erotic' Book in 'Prudish' Jacket." (2)  Now, as we saw earlier,
Victorian reads while noone is there, so let's go ahead and leave for awhile so
that she can be alone with her book.  Say "goodbye," then pull out your map and
head back to the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
While we're here, remember what the Juggs told us while they were in the hot
tub?  They were going to perform on this very stage, tonight!  And remember
what they told us about the prison performance fiasco?  That hot lights,
spandex, and silicone lubricant do not mix well.  Well, we know that the Juggs
always wear spandex, so that's taken care of.  We happen to have some silicone
lubricant from our cabin's drain pipe, in addition to the heat lamp from The
Heaving Ho'!  All we need to do is somehow get all three of these things to mix
again.  Walk down one screen, and look above deck at the mast - you'll see that
the spotlight for the stage is mounted on it.  Also, if you try to go through
the green door, Johnson won't let you in, because it's the Juggs' private
dressing room.
Remember our conversation with Drew, when she mentioned the Gigantic Erections
she likes so much?  Go over and talk to Johnson again.  You should now notice
some new topics.  Select "Lime juice," and you'll get a glass of it (12) after
you outwit him.  Now, order a "Gigantic Erection," and he'll go to make you one
(11).  They take a while to make, so now's your chance!  Exit the screen and go
through the green door.
Once in the dressing room, take a look around.  In the bottom left corner, near
the bales of hay, is another "Where's Dildo?" for you to click on.  Now, recall
some more things people have told you.  On the dressing table is a can of spray
deodorant, which Peggy told us could make explosives.  Sounds useful, right?
In addition, the can of silicone lubricant we want the Juggs to spread all over
themselves looks exactly the same!  So, kill two birds with one stone, by
clicking on the deodorant, and selecting "Use" --> "Silicone Lubricant" to
switch the two cans (12).  Go ahead and play the karaoke machine on the back
shelf if you wish, but make sure to press the red button to the right (4).
Leave the dressing room, and Johnson will be ready with your drink.  You should
have notice that the crow's nest on the mast has lowered, and the spotlight is
now reachable.  Look at the lighting truss to bring up a closeup view, then
take the spotlight bulb (5).  Click on the empty socket and use your heat lamp
bulb (5), then exit the closeup view and talk to Johnson to order another
Gigantic Erection.  Once he leaves again, exit the screen and reenter the
dressing room.  Push the red button a second time (4), and you're through here.
Exit the room, get your drink, then walk down one screen and through the door.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Aft Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
If Peggy isn't here, walk to the Promenade Deck to find her.  Talk to her, and
ask about the "cabin boy." (11)  She'll tell you that one named something along
the lines of "X-squats" is always down in the break room.  We'll have to find
him later, so that we can get Drew's suitcase of clothes.  For now, though,
let's head back into the lounge, to see if the Juggs' are ready to perform yet.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
__________
-=| Cutscene |=-
¯¯|¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯\
| As you enter, you'll see that the Juggs are already performing!  Once |
| their current song ends, they decide to do a little special, and ask  |
| for a volunteer.  You oblige, of course, and once onstage, the mix of |
| the heat, silicone, and spandex gets the women all hot and bothered.  |
| Pretty soon, clothes are being ripped off, body parts are entangling, |
| and tongues are a-licking!  When it's all over, you head back to your |
| room, but not before being photographed nude by a group of tourists.  |
| (20)                                                                  |
|_______________________________________________________________________|
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
Back in your room, click on a new "Where's Dildo?" hiding behind the toilet.
We should probably go check on Victorian, so pull out your map and head back to
the library.
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
How about another easter egg?  This is a pretty obscure one, but well worth the
reward.  I'll give you a hint: look at the magazine page you got from the
kitchen, and look at the ingredients you need.  Beaver milk?  Now, how in the
world would you get a thing like that?  Well, there's that beaver on the right
shelf, so click on it, select "other," and type in "milk," to try to milk the
poor thing.  While you don't get any, you should see another easter egg flash
in the top left corner of the screen.  We'll check out the reward later, but
for now, walk around the right corner to see Victorian.
Only now, it's not Victorian anymore, but "Vicki."  It seems like our uptight
little librarian has made quite the transformation, and for the better, I think
you'll agree.  Anyways, there's another "Where's Dildo?" for you to click, on
the right side behind the pineapple and bananas.  Also, look at the computer
screen (1) to see that she's playing Leisure Suit Larry 6.  So, are you ready
for another easter egg?  This one will allow you to see Vicki nude!  Press
and hold "Control" on your keyboard, then click on the leftmost guy on her
computer screen - if you did it right, you should see the easter egg flash.
Now, go ahead and start talking to Vicki about the various topics, but save
"the weather" for last.  Once you select it:
__________
-=| Cutscene |=-
¯¯|¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯\
| Vicki loses control and throws you onto the floor, before ripping all |
| your clothes off.  While most of the action takes place behind the    |
| desk, you do get to see her for a little while, at least if you got   |
| the easter egg I told you about above.  Once you're done, she loans   |
| you a book jacket to get back to your room - unfortunately, it rips   |
| and an old woman sees you in all your glory.  (20)                    |
|_______________________________________________________________________|
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
Once you're back in your room, click on another "Where's Dildo?" in the bottom
left corner, in between the black and red pipes.  Now, if you're anything like
me, you're probably horny again.  Pull up your map, and let's go back to the
library and try to get some more action from Vicki.
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
Go back around the right corner, and talk to Vicki about "sex."  She'll tell
you that she's been reading up, and is now the most sexually-knowledgeable
person on the ship.  Unfortunately, she's not going to prove it with you, and
if you ask her to "prove it," she'll challenge you to find a way to do so.
Keep that in mind for now, and say "goodbye."  Remember how you milked that
poor beaver, earlier?  Let's go see what that accomplished - pull out your map
and head back to the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Wow, this place is still a mess from that performance with the Juggs.  Walk up
onto the stage, and on the right side, you should see a long, rope-like object.
Click on it, and take the clothing chase lights (5).  Now, while still on the
stage, walk left one screen, and another view should come up.  Right in front
of you will be a remote control, which you should grab (5).  Turn it on (1),
and you will see that it controls the chase lights you picked up just a little
while ago.  Click on the mixer equipment that the remote control was on, and
select "other," then type in "feel."  Another easter egg, and you obtained some
ear plugs as well!
Exit the area, go down the stage steps, and down one screen.  Talk to Johnson
and order another Gigantic Erection, and then, you guessed it, sneak off and
enter the Juggs' dressing room.  Isn't it a little dangerous to be spraying
hair spray butt-nekkid?  It's nice to know the Juggs' are natural blondes,
though.  Anyways, you only get to see this scene once, so you'll have to
restore an earlier game if you want to see it again.  Why milking the beaver
unlocked this, I have no idea!  At any rate, we've had a pretty good cruise so
far, but maybe we should check out the Thygh Man Trophy contest - after all, we
still want to get with the Captain, don't we?
Go into your inventory and look at your TMT Scorecard.  Clicking on any of the
events will take you there.  Let's try the LoveMaster 2000 competition, that
looks interesting.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= LoveMaster 2000 Competition =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Upon entering, you see four booths, and it looks like you're going to get your
sexual prowess tested - great!  After you click on the "Where's Dildo?" peeking
out of the far right booth, walk to the machine on the left.  Click on it, then
select "Use" --> "TMT Scorecard" (2) to enter the booth and take the test.  A
score of "two" isn't going to get you very far (check out the mermaid to the
right)!  Go ahead and push the green button to the right of the booths (4), and
since you're not ready to "perform" again, pull out your map.  Do you know of
anyone who might be able to tame the LoveMaster 2000?  The most sexually-
knowledgeable person on the ship, perhaps?  Go to the library.
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
Walk around the right corner to Vicki, and select "LoveMaster 2000" (6).  She
accepts your challenge, and the two of you automatically head over there.  Too
bad we don't get to see very much, but Vicki scores a perfect 1000 on your TMT
scorecard, making you the winner (25)!  Now, let's get back and try to tie up
some other loose ends.  Remember how Peggy told us that Drew's cabin boy hangs
out in the employee break room?  Pull out your map and head over there (it's
near the Das Grande Atriumo and the casino.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Employees Only area =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You'll notice a large poster of Captain Thygh, as well as smaller ones of past
TMT Contest winners.  Even more noticeable are the security lasers right in
front of your face, but don't worry - we can't die in this game, remember?  Go
ahead and walk right through them, and ignore all the weapons that pop out.
Click on the door and select "open," and the game will give you a hint on how
to do so.  Notice the all capital letters in a certain word?  Click on the door
and select "other" --> "push" (9) to enter.
Under the Foosball table to the right is another "Where's Dildo?"  Look at the
counter ahead, and take the KZ Brand Jelly next to the sink (4).  Just above
the microwave is a red wire-like object.  Click on it and take the jumper wire
from the jackpot preventer (4), then read the bulletin board until you've read
the message about the shaved dice (2), and the message that Peggy's prints are
ready (1).  The message said something about shaved dice being deposited in the
bowl, but if you look at it, there's none in there - we'll have to make our own
when we have the chance.
Well, it looks like the cabin boy isn't here, so let's go explore the ship some
more.  Pull out your map, and go to the nearby El Replicant Sculpture Garden.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= El Replicant Sculpture Garden =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
To your left, near the David statue's foot, is another "Where's Dildo?" - you
should have about 22 by now.  Look at the Venus statue, under the scaffolding,
and a closeup of her foot should appear.  You can see that the toe hasn't been
completely glued yet, so take a pair of dice (8) - unfortunately, the whole
thing collapses, so maybe we should get out of here before the sculptor goes
crazy on us.  Before we leave, however, look in the top left and right corners.
Strange, there appears to be metal spikes sticking out of the ceiling!  Now,
maybe we should go compete in some of the other events we're entered in.  Look
at your TMT Scorecard, and click on Poop Deck Horseshoes.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Poop Deck Horseshoes Competition  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Before we begin, look in the far court, and you should see another "Where's
Dildo?", on the stake, for you to click on.  Now, click on the centaur's ass
crack and use your TMT Scorecard (2).  Click on the stake and "play," but your
horseshoes won't come anywhere close, no matter how many times you try.  Looks
like we'll have to cheat again. Take a close look at the horseshoe stake, and
you'll see that someone drove the steel stake right through the ship's deck.
Remember that spike we saw sticking out of the El Replicant Sculpture Garden
Ceiling?  That's gotta belong to this stake, but what good does that do us?
Think back even further...have you read any good books lately?  No, not "The
Erotic Adventures of Hercules."  There was a book about Electromagnetism in the
Library, which said something about wrapping wire around a metal bar and
applying electricity would create an electromagnet.  This, of course, would be
powerful enough to get our horseshoes to stick!  Pull out your map and head
back to the El Replicant Sculpture Garden.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= El Replicant Sculpture Garden =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Back in the garden, you'll notice that the sculptor, Bob Bitt, is now gone, so
climb up the scaffold (1).  Up top, his toolbox is still there, so grab the
screwdriver sitting right on top (4).  Now, back to the reason we came here:
click on the steel spike, and select "Use" --> "Battery Powered Chase Lights
(14), then click on the spike again and "Use" --> "Remote control" (1) to turn
them on.  Your electromagnet is now ready, so pull out your TMT scorecard and
head back to the Poop Deck Horseshoes competition.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Poop Deck Horseshoes Competition  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Use your TMT scorecard on the centaur again, then click on the stake and choose
"play."  Oops, you missed again - for some reason, you need to turn on the
remote control again, so do so (5).  Now, click on the stake and play again,
and you should win, with a perfect score (25)!  Congratulations...now let's see
if your luck holds up in the other competitions.  Look at your scorecard, and
go to the Craps Tournament.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Pair o' Dice Casino =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You start in the top right corner.  At one of the blackjack tables a floor
below is sitting another "Where's Dildo?"  Click on it, and pay attention when
the waitress takes some orders.  Notice that the people crowded around the
Craps table aren't too happy when someone orders some bean dip.  Remember what
the Employees Only area bulletin board said?  About shaved dice?  While you
don't have any sand paper, you do have toilet paper that "is as rough as a
cob!"  Use the toilet paper on the souvenir dice (11), and you'll have a pair
of shaved dice.
Unfortunately, the table is too full for you to play, so you're going to have
to think of a way to clear the table (if not the air).  Got any ideas?  Clear
the air?  Head back to the Heaving Ho'.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= The Heaving Ho' =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You may not have noticed it earlier, but there is a door way in the back of the
room.  It's locked, but if you listen at the door, you'll hear slurping noises.
Also, the posters on either side advertise some pretty decadent going-ons
behind the door.  Let's worry about that later, though.  Go back to the buffet
and eat some bean dip, then head back to the casino.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Pair o' Dice Casino =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Walk back over to the table, then click on yourself and let one loose (11).
Your fart gets rid of the crowd, so click on the table and play.  The game will
move into a closeup view, in which you should click on the table and select
play again.  Now, you have the pair of legal dice that the Croupier gave you,
but instead of using them, click on the table and select "Use" --> "Shaved
Dice" (6).  You'll automatically roll and win a few times, before a woman named
Dewmi Moore decides to invite you back to her cabin for a game of "Strip Liars
Dice." (27)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Cabin 510 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You might want to save your game here, as this game can be pretty difficult to
win.  Unfortunately, I don't have much of a strategy for winning, other than to
be a sneaky cheat, and save whenever you win, restore whenever you lose.  You
should definitely click on the "how to play" button to figure out the game
basics, but other than that, just keep trying!  Good luck!
After you've won all her money, she'll start "selling" her clothes, in order to
get more money to buy die with.  First, she'll sell her shoe, then her blouse,
then her skirt.  Note that some of the clothing she sells is worth quite a bit
more money, so you'll have to beat her a couple of times before she has to sell
something else off.  After the skirt comes one earring, then the other (I know,
I know, it's not fair!), and finally her panties!  Damn, I wish there was a way
to move that cup.  Afterwards, she doesn't buy her die back, and after she has
lost all of them, you've won (23)!
__________
-=| Cutscene |=-
¯¯|¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯\
| Just as she's about to take off her bra, she offers you a drink,      |
| which you accept.  She slipped a little green pill in your beverage,  |
| however, and you end up having one big acid-trip of a dream, complete |
| with dancing condoms and Pegleg Peggy.  When you wake up, you're in   |
| Dewmi's fountain, and once again have to make your way back to your   |
| room naked.  Of course, you don't quite make it unseen, but the nun   |
| actually seems to like what she sees!                                 |
|_______________________________________________________________________|
=-=-=-=-=-=
= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=
Back in your room, you'll hear the announcement that you won the Craps
Tournament, but there's not much else to do here right now, so pull out your
map and head back to Cabin 510 (Dewmi's place).
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Cabin 510 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
On a table in the top left corner, there is a golden tray with a half-empty
bottle of powder: take it to get the Orgasmic Powder (4).  Too bad Dewmi isn't
here, we never did get to see what was underneath her bra.  Oh well, pull up
your map and go back to the Promenade Deck.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Promenade Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Peggy should be here, but if not, walk around until you find her, then talk to
her.  Ask about the "break room," and then "locker" (11) to find out that the
cabin boy, Xqwzts, is probably in one of the bottom ones.  Of course, we'll
need a locker combination, so select "other" and type in "combination" (11) to
have Peggy tell you what it is: 338-24-36.  You can also select "other" and
type in "Xqwzts" (11), and more topics will open up.  Ask about his hobbies,
and Peggy will tell you that he's a little pervert, taking pictures of all the
customers.  Continue asking about Xqwzts' needs and wants, and you'll find out
that he'd really like a passport.  Now, say "goodbye" and pull out your map to
head back to the Employees Only area.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Employees Only area =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Open the locker on the bottom row, second from the left, by using the 38-24-36
combination (12).  Go through into the new area, and you'll meet Xqwzts (3).
Ask him about "photographs," "how," and "buy pictures" (4), and you'll get a
bunch of dirty pictures he took of you!  Go ahead and ask him about all of the
other available topics, but you can also select "other" and type in: "Captain
Thygh," "Drew Baringmore," "Peggy," etc.  When you ask about Drew, he says that
he knows where her suitcase is, but is too busy to help you.  Anyways, we're
done here for now, but before we say "goodbye," take note of the air vent to
the left of Xqwzts.  We want a passport, so let's go see Peter (Purser's Desk).
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Purser's Desk =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Talk to Peter, and ask about "passport" (11) to try to get it back.  He's not
going to, however, unless you have some form of photo ID.  Say "goodbye."  Now,
there's nowhere on the ship to get an official photo ID made, so we'll just
have to make do ourselves.  Look in your inventory, and you'll see that you
have everything you need!
Click on the mucilage, and select "Use" --> "Dirty Pictures" (9), then click on
the sticky photograph and select "Use" --> "Your cabin keycard." (8)  You now
have a photo ID!  Exit out of your inventory screen, and while you are still in
the Das Grande Atriumo view, click on the "Where's Dildo?" high above the
Purser's Desk, about two balconies up.  Now, walk back and talk to Peter, then
click on him and select "Use" --> "Photo ID" to get your passport back (6).
Pull out your map and head back to the Employees Only area.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Employees Only area =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You'll have to open the locker (combination: 38-24-36) again, then walk back
to Xqwzts' room.  Click on him and use your passport (7), and the dirty bastard
disappears with it!  Before he left, however, he hung a key on a little hook to
the left, which you should grab (6).  Now, remember that air vent we noticed
earlier?  Use your screwdriver on it (6), and you'll climb through.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Blind Dessert Taste Test  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-