Complete Walkthrough for
GRAND THEFT AUTO: LIBERTY CITY STORIES (PLAYSTATION 2)
Version 2.3
BY ERIC WAECHTER
PLEASE VISIT THE EASY TO NAVIGATE WEBPAGE VERSION OF THIS WALKTHROUGH AT:
http://www.northsearesearch.com/gtalcs
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DISCLAIMER/RELEASE OF RESPONSIBILITY
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Values and opinions expressed in this document are the sole property of the
author of this document.  Any website authorized to host this document
can NOT and will NOT be held liable for anything expressed here.  By reading
beyond this point, you hereby release responsibility of any website listed
in the authorized sites list for anything stated from this point forward
within this document.  Complaints or comments in regard to this document
must be submitted to the author using the e mail address listed at the end
of this document.  Any correspondence transmitted by any means, to any of
the authorized websites listed, as a result of statements made within this
document can be constituted as harassment by the administrator of the
authorized website and can be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
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As of this date, June 27, 2006, this walkthrough contains all information
necessary to acheive 100% completion of the game on the PS2.  The only
updates from this point forward will be corrections if necessary, a possible
secrets section and eventually a FAQ, followed by a "Dumb FAQ" that acheived
great popularity on my walkthrough for The Da Vinci Code.
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**ADULT CONTENT ADVISORY**
THIS WALKTHROUGH DOES CONTAIN PROFANITY ON OCCASION.  IT IS NOT RIDDLED
WITH IT AND I HAVE NOT THROWN IT OUT EVERY OTHER WORD, IN FACT, THE GAME
ITSELF IS MUCH WORSE THAN I AM, SO IF YOUÂ’RE ALREADY PLAYING THE GAME, I
DONÂ’T THINK YOUÂ’RE GOING TO MIND THIS WALKTHROUGH.  IF YOU ARE UNDER AGE
AND YOUR PARENTS DONÂ’T APPROVE OF YOU BEING AROUND PROFANITY AND SEXUAL
SITUATIONS, THEN YOUÂ’VE BEEN SNEAKING ANYWAY AND IÂ’M GONNA TELL YOUR MOM!!
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“Because we all dream of wiping our ass on quilts, don’t we?”
“It’s the game that’s just like life!  Just when you think you’ve won,
someone blinds you with industrial solvents!”
“Its not like those other licensed video games, because in this one, you
don’t die of boredom, you die of ANTHRAX!”
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Copyright Notice
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This document is copyrighted © 2006 by Eric Waechter (author) This guide
is for personal use only and may not be altered, printed or distributed
for any commercial purposes.  This guide may be printed for personal use
providing it is not further distributed or sold. No part of this guide
may be used without written consent of the author and the requester agrees
to provide proper recognition. Violators of this copyright will be
prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  Grand Theft Auto and its
contents is  copyright © 2006 Rockstar Games, Inc, Rockstar Games, Rockstar
Leeds and Rockstar North and Take Two Interactive Software.  The only
Internet sites that have permission to use this guide are:
www.northsearesearch.com
www.gamefaqs.com
www.cheatcc.com
www.cheatcodes.com
www.ign.com
www.gamerstemple.com
www.1up.com
www.supercheats.com
www.neoseeker.com
www.cheathappens.com
www.gamesradar.com
www.cheatplanet.com
www.gamesolves.tk
http://reviews.ofgods.com
www.gameboomers.com
www.playwalkthrough.com
www.gamesover.com
www.andrewswebsiteuk.com
If this guide is found on any other sites, please contact the author.
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Table of Contents
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I.  Version History
II.  Introduction
III.  Storyline Missions
A. Portland
1.  Vincenzo Cilli
2.  Ma Cipriani
3.  J.D. O'Toole
4.  Salvatore Leone
5.  Maria
6.  Salvatore Leone Part 2
7.  J.D. O'Toole Part 2
8.  Vincenzo Cilli Part 2
9.  Salvatore Leone Part 3
B. Staunton Island
1.  Salvatore Leone
2.  Donald Love
3.  Salvatore Leone Part 2
4.  Leon McAffrey
5.  Church Confessional
6.  Donald Love Part 2
C. Shoreside Vale
1.  Salvatore Leone
2.  Toshiko Kasen
3.  Donald Love
4.  8-Ball
5.  Donald Love Part 2
6.  Salvatore Leone Part 2
IV.  Side Missions
A.  Portland
1.  Car Salesman
2.  Bumps and Grinds
3.  Slash TV
4.  Wong Side Of The Tracks
5.  Noodle Punk
6.  RC Thrashin'
7.  Scrapyard Challenge
8.  Scooter Shooter
9.  Red Light Racing
10.  Low Rider Rumble
11.  9mm Mayhem
12.  RC Triad Takedown
B.  Staunton Island
1.  Go-Go Faggio
2.  Demios Dash
3.  Bike Salesman
4.  Well Snacked Pizza
5.  Torrington TT
6.  Car-azy Giveaway
7.  RC Ragin'
8.  Karmageddon
C.  Shoreside Vale
1.  Wi-Cheetah
2.  Gangsta GP
3.  AWOL Angel
4.  RC Race
5.  See The Sight Before Your Flight
V.  Avenging Angel Missions
VI.  Vehicle Specific Missions
A.  Vigilante Missions
B.  Fireman Missions
C.  Paramedic Missions
D.  Taxi Missions
E.  Trash Dash Missions
VII.  Unique Jumps
A.  Portland
B.  Staunton Island
C.  Shoreside Vale
VIII.  Hidden Packages
A.  Portland
B.  Staunton Island
C.  Shoreside Vale
IX.  Rampages
A.  Portland
B.  Staunton Island
C.  Shoreside Vale
X.  100% Completion
XI.  Eric's Stats Upon Completion
XII.  Eric's $2 worth
XIII.  Cheat Codes
XIV.  Secrets
XV.  Contact Information
***********************************************************
I.  Version History
***********************************************************
June 19, 2006 - Version 1.0 Initial draft, complete walkthrough of story-
line missions only.
June 23, 2006 - Version 1.1 Completed all Unique Jumps and Hidden Packages
section.  Began work on Side missions with completed 'Car Salesman' and
'Bumps and Grinds' missions.
June 25, 2006 - Version 1.2 Completed all Rampage missions, Car-azy
Giveaway, Paramedic and Vigilante Missions
June 26, 2006 - Version 1.3 Completed Avenging Angel missions and added
several more Portland side missions
June 27, 2006 - Version 2.0 All side missions and vehicle specific missions
completed.  Small 100% completion note added to end.  Walkthrough now
contains all info needed to acheive 100% completion.
June 28, 2006 - Version 2.2 Added Cheat Codes, Secrets, Eric's stats, and
Eric's $2 Worth
June 30, 2006 - Version 2.3 Webpage version completed and added
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II.  INTRODUCTION
***********************************************************
I realize that many of you are reading this walkthrough as a result of my
walkthrough for The Da Vinci Code, so allow me to thank you for coming to
this walkthrough as a faithful fan.  For those of you that are new to my
walkthroughs, I can promise you this, if you get nothing else out of my
walkthroughs, youÂ’ll get a good time.  I try to make the process of
reading the walkthrough as much fun as actually playing the game, so if
you like to laugh, keep on reading, I promise you will.  I am sarcastic,
blunt, and have no problem letting you know what is on my mind.  Sometimes
I am even insulting, but if it hurts your feelings, its probably because
it relates to you and you deserved it anyway.
I realize that when you go to most walkthrough sites, there are at least
a dozen of them written for this game, however they were all written from
the PSP version of this game.  While this version is virtually identical,
it does still contain some differences as I have noted in looking at some
of the other walkthroughs.  So far as I can tell, this is the first
walkthrough thus far that is based 100% on the PS2 version of the game.
I could cheat and use the PSP walkthroughs that are already online, but I
believe that no longer makes it “my” walkthrough.  If you are a return
walkthrough reader, you are here because you enjoy the way I write, and it
would be wrong of me to cheat my way past that.  If you are a new reader
(and you made it past the “hurting your feelings” thing above) then you will
soon come to find that my walkthroughs are of only the very best quality.
I know that you will settle for nothing less, and you have my word that the
very best is what I am here to provide.  If you find this walkthrough
lacking in ANY way, please contact me at the e mail address at the end of
the walkthrough.
I have not played the PSP version, in fact, I have not even seen the PSP
version, so if you write me to tell me that that “is not how it was on
the PSP”, BITE ME . . . .I warned you ahead of time.  This walkthrough
was written as I played the game with my laptop in front of me, therefore
everything in here was done at the time of the writing and was not drawn
from memory in the hopes that I remembered it right.  With that said,
please enjoy the walkthrough and best of luck to you in the game.
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III.  STORYLINE MISSIONS WALKTHROUGH
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A.  Portland
***********************************************************
**NOTE**  For the sake of organization, the missions are grouped by
character as much as possible.  It is possible to do these missions in
other sequences as long as they are available on your map.  Please do not
write to me and tell me that you don't HAVE to do them in this order for
cryin' out loud.  (I wouldn't have to say that if it hadn't been done!)
Intro scene:  Tony gets to Liberty City, makes a phone call and catches a
cab to Mr. LeoneÂ’s office and is introduced to Vincenzo (Lucky).   You
get your first mission assignments from Lucky at Atlantic Quays.
Your first objective is to drive Vincenzo to your newly acquired Safe
House in Saint Marks, where you will change your clothes.  YouÂ’ll learn
about the garage where you can store your vehicles here and how to save
the game.  (You will not be able to save at this point yet.)   You must
now get back in the car and take Vincenzo to his warehouse. (**NOTE**  At
this time, you can not get a wanted level yet, so have fun on the way if
you want!)  Drive into the yellow marker and youÂ’ll get a short cutscene
where Vincenzo continues to be a wiseass and then you will be awarded
$100 for having to listen to it.  You will then be free to roam and
VincenzoÂ’s missions will now be visible on your map indicated by a blue
“V”.
At this point you can go back to your safe house and save just so you
donÂ’t have to go through all that again.  From this point forward, I will
not tell you when to save.  If you are playing this game, IÂ’m going to
assume youÂ’ve played video games before, and also that youÂ’ve played the
other games in the GTA series.  You should know when to save and when not
to, and that saving after every mission is just good thinking.  Now you
may begin the story missions. . . .
1.  VINCENZO CILLI MISSIONS
***********************************************************
Slacker –
YouÂ’ll be sent back over to Saint MarkÂ’s to look for VincenzoÂ’s dealer.
A new yellow marker will appear on the map.  Grab a vehicle and head that
way.  When you get there, youÂ’ll find the whiny dealer and then your
objective will change for you to take him to work, and youÂ’ll get a new
marker in Chinatown.  Get back in the vehicle and he will climb in (or on
if you have a motorcycle) and off you go.  When you get there, drive into
the marker, the dealer will get off and youÂ’ll be awarded $100 for your
efforts.
Dealing Revenge –
After the rather disqusting cutscene, climb in a car.  I recommend a car
for this mission to make it as simple as possible.  Head to the new
marker in Chinatown, which just so happens to be where you dropped the
dealer off in the last mission.  After the cutscene, follow the instructions
and beat up the dealer before he beats you up.  YouÂ’ll be alerted that
there are other SindaccoÂ’s dealing in the area and you should take care
of those as well.  The simplest way to handle this is to climb back into
the car, drive to each of the red dots on the map, and simply run them
all over until they are dead.  When you do, the mission will end and you
will get $500.
Snuff –
YouÂ’ll first be sent to the Ammu-Nation in the Red Light District.  Go
there and youÂ’ll be schooled on how to purchase weapons.  You are given
your first gun for free, so use the cash to buy some extra ammo and then
head to the new marker in Hepburn Heights.  When you enter the marker,
youÂ’ll be at the entrance to a construction site, and youÂ’ll be instructed
to take care of the Sindacco heavy at the rear of the site.  Shoot down
the two guards at the entrance to the tunnel.  Go through the tunnel and
there will be two more guards on the other side to take care of.  Once
they are out of the way, the Sindacco heavy is at the back end of the site
behind his car.  Kill him and then take his cell phone as proof that the
job is finished.  YouÂ’ll immediately get a call from J.D. OÂ’Toole and
find out that youÂ’ve been watched (Gee Rockstar Guys, feeling nostalgic
for Manhunter are we?).  When the phone call is done, climb in the
SindaccoÂ’s car (indicated by the painfully obvious blue arrow) and take
it to the Pay –N- Spray, which is fortunately on the street right in
front of you when you get in the car.  YouÂ’ll get a free introductory
paint job, $500 for completing the mission, and J.D. OÂ’TooleÂ’s mission
marker on the map, indicated by an orange “J”.
Smash and Grab –
After the cutscene, youÂ’re instructed to grab a four seater car, and for
your gaming convenience, there is one parked right outside.  Get in it
and drive to the new marker blue which is very conveniently located at
the completely opposite end of town.  (See a cop chase in your future?)
When you get there, drive into the mayhem and let the four guys with
those shiny blue arrows over their heads get in the car.  YouÂ’ll now have
a 3 star wanted level and youÂ’ll be instructed to lose the cops.
Remember that Pay –N- Spray in the last level?  Check your map and pick
the quickest route to get there, because the cops will be showing you
no mercy on the way.  Get in there, get the car painted and your warning
level will disperse.  Your instructions are then to take the gang to
VincenzoÂ’s.  Do that without getting a wanted level again, and youÂ’ll be
rewarded with $1000.
Hot Wheels –
You need to go get VincenzoÂ’s car which is nearby in Trenton, and bring
it back to him.  Sounds pretty easy, huh?  Oh yeah, he forgot to tell you
that the car is wanted by the police.  As soon as you get in this very
fast Banshee (this was my favorite car out of all of them from the
original GTA III, but kind of a letdown this time), youÂ’re going to get a
3 star wanted level and cops are going to appear around you in that magic
way that can only happen in a video game.  ItÂ’s going to be a bit more of
a trick this time, but you’ve got to get the car to that same Pay –N-
Spray.  Use the map and plan a direct route.  You can make it.  YouÂ’ll
then have to take the car to VinnieÂ’s lockup, which is on the next block
from your safehouse to the east.  When you get there, youÂ’ll get a phone
call from Vinnie, and youÂ’ll be none too happy.  After exchanging
pleansantries, youÂ’ll be instructed to take the car to the car crusher
and dispose of it.  Drive to the north end of town, park the car in the
marker and get out.  Watch your revenge on Vincenzo with a great big grin
and get a grand total of $104 dollars for the scrap value.  Yep, thatÂ’s
it, $104.  ItÂ’s not a typo.  YouÂ’ll also get a call from TonyÂ’s
mom . . . .thats right, his mom.  She will chew him a new one in typical
Italian mom fashion, and now youÂ’ll have yet another mission marker on
your map.  I like to call them the “Mommy Missions”, marked by a pink “C”
on the map (for Mrs. Cipriani in case you didnÂ’t catch that).  You are
done with Vincenzo now.
2.  MA CIPRIANI MISSIONS
***********************************************************
Go to MaÂ’s house (which if you remember GTA III, it was Toni Cipriani's
house), to begin these missions.
Snappy Dresser –
YouÂ’re first instruction after the cutscene is to go back to your
safehouse and get your camera.  Head just around the block and do that.
Once youÂ’ve got it, your next destination is CasaÂ’s Deli in Chinatown, so
climb back in the car and head there (That Leone Sentinal isnÂ’t too bad,
huh?).  When you drive into the marker, youÂ’ll be told to follow Casa.
Do so, but donÂ’t get too close or heÂ’ll get spooked.  This isnÂ’t too hard
even though they donÂ’t give you a marker to let you know where he is when
you donÂ’t have sight of him, and there is no Spook-o-Meter as in previous
GTA releases.  The chase will be brief as you are just going to another
part of Chinatown.  When you get there, Casa will pick up a couple of
hookers and youÂ’ll have to follow him a little bit more.  Not too far to
go this time either, as your just going up to Callahan Point.  When you
get there, youÂ’ll get instructions for using the camera, so get out of
the car and walk towards CasaÂ’s little perverted gathering, but donÂ’t get
too close.  You really donÂ’t have to get all that close anyway because
the zoom capabilities of this camera are rather impressive.  Arm the
camera, zoom in and take a snapshot of the diapered Casa.  YouÂ’ll then be
instructed to take the picture back to Ma, so go there.  After you get
over that sickening feeling from finding out that your Ma doesnÂ’t find
the diaper disturbing, youÂ’ll be rewarded with $100 for finishing the
mission.
Big Rumble in Little China –
The trick here is to take out some Triad gang members (remember these
guys?!).  One set of gang members is driving around in a delivery truck,
which you must follow around and run into until you get it to stop.  At
that point, two gang members will get out and come after you on foot.  If
your vehicle has enough life left in it, just run them down.  The other
set of gang members is in the center of Chinatown in that area that is
blocked off to vehicles.  Well, fortunately for us, this isnÂ’t GTA III
anymore, and we now have motorcycles at our disposal.  Find one, get on
it, slide into that area and just mow them down with the motorcycle (I
love it when I donÂ’t have to buy ammo!  If it makes you feel better, I
got all 4 of these guys with one shot on the motorcycle and the mission
was over.)  I may have blinked too quick, but I donÂ’t believe I got paid
anything for completing this mission.
Grease Sucho –
Time for a race!  Grab a car (The Leone Sentinal will suit this need very
well) and head for the starting line (Sorry, they wonÂ’t let you bring a
motorcycle.  No bringing guns to knife fights.)  This little pissing
contest is being held down in Trenton.  The race while seemingly
stressful was relatively easy.  I screwed up a couple of times and missed
turns and I still beat them with a fairly wide lead.  When you have one
the race, you will be instructed to take out Sucho.  Track him down by
following the red blip on the map, and when you catch up to him, ram him
until he gets out of the car.  When he does, just run him down.  YouÂ’ll
be awarded $1000 for completing this mission and the Underground Street
Races will be unlocked, and youÂ’ll be informed that youÂ’ll be contacted
by challengers.
Dead Meat –
YouÂ’re instructed to go to Giovanni CasaÂ’s Deli to persuade him to take a
ride with you, so grab a car and off to Chinatown we go.  When you get
there, youÂ’re going to pick Giovanni up and take him to the sawmill in
Trenton.   When you get there, you will pass through a gate and get
another yellow marker behind the sawmill.  Once inside, you are now going
to have to hack Giovanni up with the axe provided for you.  Whatever you
do, donÂ’t chase him.  Wait for him to find a spot and crouch, figure out
which way he is facing and then walk up behind him and smack him with the
axe (WALK!!  NOT RUN!!)  He goes down pretty quick.  It took me two tries
to take him out.  When you do, watch the twisted little cutscene, then
climb into the van to take the “Giovanni Sausage” to his deli.  You’ll
have a two star wanted level, cops will be lined up outside the gate, and
youÂ’ll be driving that big clunky-ass van.  If you know where a couple of
wanted level stars are, hit those as fast as you can, otherwise, do what
I did and head up the west side of the map to the Pay –N- Spray.  Once
youÂ’ve done that, take the van up to CasaÂ’s Deli and receive $500 for
your tasty new style of sausage and the end of the mission.
No Son of Mine –
Oh crap!  Your own Ma is trying to knock you off!  Grab the shotgun and
take care of all of her hitmen.  These guys come in 4 waves of 4.  When
one group is gone, the next one comes.  The last two groups are carrying
machine guns, so be quick, or be creative.  My health was wearing real
thin by the last group, so I ran around the block and grabbed a delivery
truck that just happened by.  I saved some more ammo that way and just
mowed them down with the truck.  When they are all dead, the mission is
over, you earn no money and you can no longer go see your Ma.
3.  J.D. OÂ’TOOLE MISSIONS
***********************************************************
In order to begin these missions, you will need to go back to the safehouse
and change into your casual clothes.  JD will not acknowledge you while
you are dressed in your suit.  You can find these missions at PaulieÂ’s
Revue Bar (formerly known as LuigiÂ’s in GTA III).
Bone Voyeur –
After this relatively disturbing cutscene, you will climb in a van with
JD.  This mission is pretty straightforward and pretty simple.  You just
have to drive around the red light district and stop near JDÂ’s hookers to
collect the money from them.  You have to collect $700 which you will see
on the right side of your screen and this mission is timed as you have to
collect all the money before the girlsÂ’ shift ends.  ItÂ’s really plenty
of time, so you donÂ’t have much to worry about.  Basically take off
straight ahead from where you get in a van, and drive around the Red
Light District in a square pattern, and youÂ’ll see the girls standing on
the side of the road with a blue arrow over their heads.  Stop near them
and they will come up to you and hand over their cash.  At one point, a
pimp will be ripping off one of the girls and youÂ’ll have to stop him.
ItÂ’s pretty simple, just run him down with the van, get out, grab the
money, get back in and carry on.  When youÂ’re all done, you just have to
take JD back to the bar.  The mission will end when you get him there,
and youÂ’ll get $500 for a job well done.
Don in 60 Seconds –
After the cutscene, quickly jump in the car with the blue arrow, as you
have a 2 star warning level and the cops are already on the scene and
shooting at you.  YouÂ’ve got to get Salvatore out of there, and youÂ’ve
got to lose the cops.  Pretty easy start, drive right around the block
and into the Pay –N- Spray.  It was so easy, in fact, it made me a little
suspicious.  Once the car is painted, you are told to take Salvatore home,
back to the trusty mansion up in Portland Beach, where you first met the
sultry Misty a few years ago.  ThatÂ’s it.  When you get there, you get a
brief cutscene, $1000, and a new set of missions from Salvatore.  Micro
SMGÂ’s become unlocked at Ammu-Nation as well.
A Volatile Situation –
Time to go check out a casino.  I recommend that you show up well armed
with a machine gun and a PCJ 600 is the preferred vehicle.  This mission
was nothing short of a pain in the ass.  ItÂ’s in St. Marks, 3 blocks south
of your safehouse.  When you get there and walk into the marker, youÂ’ll
get a phone call from JD telling you that there are a bunch of SindaccoÂ’s
coming after you.  Guess its time to take care of them.  There will be 3
waves of SindaccoÂ’s.  The first will arrive in one of those silly white
station wagons.  You have a choice here, you can either wait for them to
get there and blast them when they get out of the car, or you can go after
them before they get there on the PCJ and try to blow up their car before
they arrive.  The latter takes a LOT of ammo, so be prepared if that is
what you decide to do.  I found it easier just to wait on them and blast
them when they get there.  ItÂ’s riskier on your health, but if you just
grab a car and park a little ways up the street facing the front door of
the casino, wait for them to get there and then run them down when they
get out of their car.  If you let any get too close to the front doors of
the casino for too long, they will plant a bomb and it goes off in only
3 seconds.  DonÂ’t be standing nearby, and two of them will fail the
mission.  The last wave arrives in a Patriot (I like the way they have
made them big and beefy and mean now!).  Take care of these guys and you
will get a cutscene showing you a box truck headed your way.  The truck
has a bomb in it.  Once again, you can take the PCJ and attempt to chase
it down before it arrives, or you can wait for it to get there.  The
trick here is to make sure there are no cars cluttering the street before
it gets there.  When it arrives, it will slam into the corner of the
building and the driver will run away.  You now have 22 seconds to get in
it and move it a safe distance from the casino.  This distance will be
indicated by a blue bar on the right side of the screen, and when it is
far enough, you need to get out of the truck and get the hell away from
it.  DonÂ’t let me forget to mention that the truck is stuck in first gear
and barely moves, so have fun with that.  If you manage to pull it all
off, you get $1000 and a chance to save and go get a drink or something.
Mostly because that level pissed me off.  I needed a drink after that.
Blow up ‘Dolls’ –
This mission, when done the right way, is so easy its scary, which is
definitely a nice break from the previous level.  All you have to do is
blow up the Sindacco Brothel/Casino.  Capisca?  Ok then, grab a car, any
car will do, however if you just want to walk your way through this
mission, find one of those silly ass white Sindacco station wagons.  Take
it up to 8 balls place.  (You can find it, its been there for 5 years now)
You will get it equipped with a bomb, because thatÂ’s what 8 ball does.
He does it here, he did it in Vice City, and he did it in San Andreas.
(That guy gets around!)  Now all you have to do is drive it over to the
Red Light District and park it in the garage of the brothel/casino.  The
guards there will make comments about you as you drive in, but as long as
you are in the Sindacco car, they wonÂ’t mess with you . . . until you get
out of course.  When youÂ’ve got it parked, youÂ’ll be prompted to get out
of the car.  Get out, and I recommend running (to the right as you are
looking OUT of the garage) and jumping over that wall onto the street.
Keep running until you are prompted to set off the bomb.  Do so, and
youÂ’ll get a pretty cool explosion cutscene and $1500 for completing the
mission.
4.  SALVATORE LEONE MISSIONS
***********************************************************
I like SalvatoreÂ’s house  --  he always has a shiny new PCJ sitting out
front for me.
The Offer –
This one is fairly simple.  Head down to the docks at Portland Harbor and
meet with Jane Hopper.  YouÂ’ll have a quick but rude meeting and then it
will be your goal to escape the docks.  What can I say.  RUN! ThereÂ’s a
guy or two throwing Maltov Cocktails at you, so avoid them if you can.
Run until you get almost to the exit and there will be a Bobcat sitting
there.  Climb in it and drive out the gate.  Done.  Mission over. $500
Ho Selecta!  --
This one isnÂ’t bad either.  All you have to do is pick up hookers.  (WHAT
A JOB!)  Ok, so you have to pick up 6 hookers and get them to the picket
line at the entrance to Portland Harbor.  You have about 5 hours to do
this in (thatÂ’s 5 GTA hours, in reality, 3 or 4 minutes max).  Its
actually plenty of time if you work your way south from the first hooker
in the parking lot of the gas station at the north end of town.  You have
to disrupt her “business transaction”, at which point you’ll have to take
out the 4 guys she was  . . .uh . . .transacting.  If youÂ’ve got a gun,
this is pretty easy . . . because they donÂ’t.  Continue south to the next
girl, who you will also have to disrupt.  Theres only one guy to take
care of there, so do so and move on.  Get the third girl a little further
down the street.  SheÂ’s just hanginÂ’ out, so just pull over and sheÂ’ll
get in the car.  Now, youÂ’ll have to drop these three girls off at the
picket line.  Do so, and turn around and head over toward the
Chinatown/Red Light District area.  If you just turn left onto that main
road there under the train bridge, youÂ’ll be able to see two more girls
right in front of you.  Pick them up, drive about a block further and
another will be standing just around the corner.  When youÂ’ve got all
three, turn around, drop them off at the picket line, and you are done
and $500 richer.
Frighteners –
Once again, simple.  Head towards the red markers on the map and youÂ’ll
find the Union Bosses just driving around town.  Ram them, shoot their
cars, whatever you have to do, just get them to get out of their car, but
whatever you do, donÂ’t kill them.  You just want to scare them.  Some
will fight back when they get out of their car, but most wont.  Scare
enough of them, and $1000 is yours and the mission is over.  The Avenging
Angel costume will be unlocked at the safehouse, and it was at this point
that I got a phone call from Maria, opening up her missions now as well.
Rollercoaster Ride –
YouÂ’re starting off here with a short time limit, luckily, you donÂ’t have
far to go.  You have to get to the radio station in Harwood before Hopper
leaves.   When you get to the radio station, kill the limo driver.
YouÂ’ll end up in his uniform, at which point, get in the limo.  YouÂ’ll
get a short cutscene and Hopper will get in the limo and demand to be
taken to the Harwood Ferry Station.  YouÂ’re not going to do that.  Your
job is now to scare the hell out of her.  Drive around real fast, hit
stuff, take her over jumps and generally cause mayhem with the limo.  The
scare meter on the right side of the screen will soon fill, and youÂ’ll be
asked to take her to the ferry station picket line at the north end of
town.  Do so.  When you get there, youÂ’ll have to drive through a group
of gangsters and drop her off in the yellow marker.  Your mission will be
complete at this point, and youÂ’ll get $1000 and the chauffeur outfit at
the safehouse.  YouÂ’ll be done with SalvatoreÂ’s missions at this point.
5.  MARIA
***********************************************************
Shop Til You Strop –
Take Maria to the shop as indicated on the map.  IÂ’m not entirely sure
why she couldnÂ’t walk her own ass down there since its only 1 block to
the south, but oh well, here we go.  Ok, so now we know why she couldnÂ’t
walk . . . because running from the cops in that skirt and heels is a
BITCH!  When she comes back out of the shop, youÂ’ll have to take off and
loose the cops.  Being that it is only a 1 star warning level, this is
pretty easy, especially since I decided to take her shopping on a PCJ.
When youÂ’ve lost the cops, she wants to go to another shop, so off you
go. If you are thinking clearly at this point, make sure when you pull
into this yellow marker, you have the car pointed north up the street.
Of course, she doesnÂ’t let you down again, and this time she manages to
pull off a 3 star warning level.  (My wife wonders why I wonÂ’t go shopping
with her.)  The REALLY funny part at this point, is that youÂ’re not
instructed to lose the cops, youÂ’re instructed to take her home.  Yeah
right.  If you did as I suggested and parked in front of the last shop
facing north, by God, head north and get that car into the Pay –N- Spray.
THEN take her sorry ass home and collect your miserable $100.
Taken For A Ride –
WeÂ’re going to take Maria to see her dealer.  (Serious Misty flashbacks
now)  You pull in behind one of those silly ass Sindocci station wagons,
and Maria climbs in it to make her deal.  Something goes terribly wrong
as things often do in drug deals with enemy families, and the SindocciÂ’s
take off with Maria.  You must now ram their car in order to get her
back.  When they do stop, youÂ’ll have to kill the two Sindocci idiots
that get out.  When you do, Maria will get back in the car with you and
now all you have to do is taker her home to collect your $500.  She did
mention something about coming up for “coffee”, but you turn her down.
Apparently Hillary Clinton and Jack Thompson got to Tony Cipriani, and
he’ll be having no “Hot Coffee” in Liberty City.  (Bunch of censorship
cowards they are!  Rockstar is my HERO for having done it in San Andreas!
They shouldnÂ’t have let the government push them around, and the retail
stores are WIMPS for taking it off the shelves!  Soapbox completed.)
Booby Prize –
WeÂ’re going to race again, and this time we have no choice but to find a
motorcycle, so grab up a PCJ 600 and letÂ’s go!  If you donÂ’t find one
right away, you know you can always find one in front of SalvatoreÂ’s
house.  Head down and enter the marker to start the race.  ItÂ’s a fairly
simple race, and if youÂ’re good with the handbrake powerslide, youÂ’ll
have no problems winning this 2 lap race.  Of course when the race is
over, you earn no money, and Maria still takes off with the other dirtbag,
however you open up the underground street bike races.
Biker Heat –
This one goes by pretty quick.  Head down to Chinatown to meet up with
Wayne and his gang.  YouÂ’ll exchange a few uncivil words and Wayne will
take off on his bike and leave you four goons to deal with.  The best way
to do this was to do what I did . . . .ignore the goons, hop on the bike
sitting in front of you, and take off after Wayne.  All youÂ’ve got to do
is make him be dead.  If youÂ’re still carrying around an automatic weapon
compatible with a motorcycle . . . .this is GRAAAAAVY.  Kill him, be done,
get $1500 and get a phone call from Salvatore telling you heÂ’s got some
more stuff for you to do.  If you're thinking about it, grab the PCJ 600
that Wayne was driving.  It's bulletproof and the only time you will be
able to get it throughout the entire game.
Overdose of Trouble –
Maria has overdosed on a color spectrum of pills, and apparently she
needs a “zap” to get over it.  She tells Tony that he’s square because he
doesn’t know what a “zap” is.  Apparently, I’m square too.  At any rate,
she says she left hers at the diner at Callahan Point.  Of course, she
has no idea what in the hell sheÂ’s talking about, but weÂ’re going to grab
a vehicle and take her there anyway.  You arrive in the empty parking lot
of the diner to find nothing but the yellow marker, but as is normal for
this game, when you enter the marker 8 or 10 pissed off bikers with guns
materialize in the parking lot like theyÂ’ve been sitting there since the
place was built.  Of course it occurs to Maria that this isnÂ’t where
youÂ’re supposed to be (genius that she is) and now off you have to go to
Hepburn Heights, with these hairy intellectuals chasing you.   Since I
know youÂ’ll be stunned to hear that Hepburn Heights wonÂ’t be the right
place to be either, Maria will change her drug addled mind once again and
decide that the stuff has been at her apartment the whole time (she could
have saved us a lot of trouble by coming to that conclusion to begin with,
but what fun would that be).  Off we go back to the apartment still
trailing the unhappy ones.  As seems to be standard procedure, thatÂ’s not
right either, and now we head to SalvatoreÂ’s Mansion.  When you get there
and drive into the marker, Maria chews your ass for being such a twit and
goes in to the mansion to service Salvatore.  The mission is complete and
you get nothing but an ass chewing from a crack whore for your troubles.
Thankfully, youÂ’re done with her.  The Goodfella outfit is now unlocked
at the safehouse.
6.  SALVATORE LEONE PART DUE (That’s Italian for “two”, Doofus!)
***********************************************************
“And another thing – I never met a girl with hydraulic underwear . . . .I
was looking for a tramp, I married a slut!”  -- Salvatore Leone
Contra Banned –
You need a 4 seater car to pick up some backup.  Luckily for you, your at
SalvatoreÂ’s house and he has a conveniently placed Leone Sentinal parked
there for you.  Drive around to the blue markers and pick these guys up.
One of them is in the parking lot of MarcoÂ’s Bistro made famous in GTA
III and after your first and only transcontinental flight in San Andreas.
Once you have them all, youÂ’ll have to head down to Portland Docks, so get
moving.  YouÂ’ll have to drive through some angry picketers at the
entrance to the harbor, but just blast on through and head to your marker.
When you get there, youÂ’re in a familiar scene.  Yet another deal gone
bad with dirtbags at the docks.  The cops show up and now you have to
waste the drug dealers.  If you manage to survive that ordeal, there is
some armor there for you if you didnÂ’t grab it during the gunfight.
(This armor is now always here should you need to come get armor again
later.)  All you have to kill is the drug dealers, you can leave the FBI
agents even though they are shooting at you.  Once the dealers are dead,
you have to jump in the Patriot indicated by the blue arrow, then get it
out of there and lose the 3 star warning level.  Make a beeline for the
Pay –N- Spray.  Once you pull that off, you’ve just got to get the
Patriot to SalvatoreÂ’s lockup in St. Marks.  Once you get it there, and
in the garage, get out and claim your $1000 for completing the mission.
YouÂ’ll get a phone call from JD, and once again open some more missions
from him.  Which is good, because youÂ’re done with SalvatoreÂ’s missions
again.
7.  J.D. OÂ’TOOLE MISSIONS PART DUE (Yep, its still Italian)
***********************************************************
“Oh God!  I feel like the day the FBI searched my hard drive!”  --JD O’Toole
Salvatore’s Salvation –
Salvatore has been kidnapped by the SindocciÂ’s.  First thing weÂ’re going
to have to do is tail one of these guys in a car.  Follow the car without
attracting attention.  YouÂ’re not going far, so its not too bad.  When
you get to the destination, youÂ’ll see that they have Salvatore in the
trunk of a car, and they intend to take him to the car crusher.  Now we
have to get all superhero on their ass.  Stop the car before it gets to
the car crusher.  Ram it, but donÂ’t shoot it, or youÂ’ll kill Salvatore
and fail the mission.  Once it stops, two SindocciÂ’s will get out and
start shooting at you.  Slaughter them and then get in the car that has
Salvatore in the trunk (big blue arrow in case you are dense).  Drive it
to SalvatoreÂ’s mansion and into the yellow marker and Salvatore is saved.
Be happy with your $1500.
The Guns of Leone –
Salvatore has lost it.  Must have been the carbon monoxide fumes he
inhaled riding around in that trunk.  HeÂ’s coming down to kill every
Sindacco he can find, and JD has beat feet out of there.  Your job is to
get up on the roof across the street and grab the sniper rifle.  YouÂ’re
going to keep Salvatore from getting capped.  YouÂ’ll be able to nail the
first 8 or 9 guys from the roof, but after that, youÂ’ll have to head down
to the street to help out.  If you were thinking ahead, you grabbed the
AK47 from the roof behind the strip club (under the water tower  --  take
the stairs in the alley where you knock on the door to meet JD).  The
last to show up is the cops, and youÂ’ll have to kill a couple of them as
well.  When theyÂ’re all gone, Salvatore will run into the alley behind
Paulies, and the mission will be over.  A whopping $3000 for completing
this mission.
Calm Before The Storm –
YouÂ’ve got one GTA hour to head up to SalvatoreÂ’s mansion.  YouÂ’re going
to follow a new heavy that SalÂ’s got that he is suspicious of.  When you
get there, enter the yellow marker.  Just to make this interesting, this
guy is going to be taking off in a helicopter, and you are going to have
to follow it from the ground.  ItÂ’s pretty simple as they give you a red
marker on the radar, the guy flies REAL slow, and for some dumbass reason,
the helicopter follows the streets.  YouÂ’re not going far the first time.
HeÂ’ll land in the construction site just to the west in Hepburn Heights.
A short cutscene there, and heÂ’ll take back off and youÂ’ll have to follow
again.  Once again, heÂ’s not going far, and will end up landing on a roof
in Chinatown.  When you get there, youÂ’ll have to go into the alley of
this building and climb the stairs to the roof for a closer look.  After
the cutscene you see that you have been spotted by the Triads.  Time to
do some shootinÂ’!  When all the Triads are dead, the mission is over and
youÂ’ll be rewarded with $1000 and the removal of whatever wanted level
you acquired in the process.
The Made Man --
You’ve got to drive JD to his ceremony to be “made”.  Climb in the car.
As any formal and important mob ceremony should be, its located at the
car crusher in Harwood, so drive there.  Apparently the SindaccoÂ’s arenÂ’t
real thrilled about JDÂ’s conversion, so they are going to attempt to take
him out on the way to the ceremony.  ItÂ’s up to you to get out of the car
before they blow it up and shoot them before they accomplish their mission.
There is one on a motorcycle and three in a car and they all show up
together.  ItÂ’s easiest to just run down the motorcycle moron, then get
out and gun down the other three.  Once they are disposed of, you can
continue to the car crusher in relative peace.  When you get there, you
find out that the ceremony is so that JD can be “made dead”.  Mickey caps
him in the back of the head.   (For you fans of “The Godfather”, this is
ironically how the traitor, Salvatore Tessio was disposed of in that
movie.  I guess this time Salvatore gets to be the assassinatOR rather
than the assassinatED.)  Now that the car youÂ’re in is good and screwed
up, you have to run it through the Pay –N- Spray so you can get Mickey
home in peace (instead of in pieces).  Even that wonÂ’t work for long, and
youÂ’ll eventually get spotted by the cops and theyÂ’ll chase after you for
DWCDG (Driving While Carrying Dead Guy).  Get Mickey to his apartment
across from the hospital and heÂ’ll get out.  Now its just you and Dead
Guy.  YouÂ’ve got to get the car to the river and dump it.  You can try to
respray the car again, but it wonÂ’t do you much good.  YouÂ’ve got to get
it over to the Boardwalk that runs up the west side of Portland and get
the car into the river.  Jumping out of a moving vehicle works, but itÂ’s
a bit picky about doing that.  I just parked it nose first towards the
river, got out, ran back over to the street, grabbed a passing vehicle
(in this case a patrol car that was chasing me after I offed the cops),
and rammed the back end of the car right into the river.  Mission
completed, $1500 and no more wanted level.  Oh yeah, apparently there are
no more JD missions.  Vincenzo on the other hand, is feeling bad for
being a douchebag, so he gives you a call and you once again have Vincezo
missions.
8.  VINCENZO CILLI MISSIONS PART DOS (Spanish – I’m multi-lingual now.)
***********************************************************
“ . . . .if you pull any of that daddy bullshit, you’re a dead man.”
--Tony Cipriani
Back to Atlantic Quays we go . . . .
The Portland Chainsaw Maquerade –
You get a phone call from Vincenzo when you get there.  He wants you to
meet him on the freighter over at Portland Docks, so weÂ’re going to head
there.  Use the ramp to get up on the ship and head to the stern (the
stern would be the BACK of the boat, most likely the spot indicated by
the yellow marker).  I took a PCJ down here, so it made the trip a little
quicker.  When you enter the ship, youÂ’re told to enter the Hull, which
is pretty vague if you ask me, but they were kind enough to put another
marker.  Make sure you are armed and head that way.  There is a magnum in
a little hallway to your right on the way down in the event you need some
deadly hardware.  When you get down there, youÂ’ll be met by 10 freaks
with chainsaws, because when Vincenzo starts kissing your ass, nothing
good can come from it.  Work carefully with the magnum you picked up,
each freak can be disposed of with one shot.  When they are all gone, you
get to wipe out Vincenzo.  He is quite resilient, so it takes quite a few
shots to take him out.  ItÂ’s going to take whatever you have left in the
magnum at a minimum.  When heÂ’s down and dead, you get a little cutscene
where you kick him like you would a little dead bird you find in the road
and then you are told to head for the exit.  Replenish your health if you
need to (I did) and head on out.  (Theres armor in the hallway to your
right on the first landing on the way up the stairs too)  When you get to
the exit, youÂ’re back outside and the mission is over.  You get $3000 and
overalls at your safehouse.  You are told that you can come back here
wearing the overalls at night to play Slash TV! (Between 1800 and 0500)
You also get a phone call and back to SalvatoreÂ’s missions we go.  Oh
yeah, no more Vincenzo missions in case you were wondering.
9.  SALVATORE LEONE MISSIONS PART THREE (IÂ’m getting lazy, that one was
in English)
***********************************************************
“What’s that smell?  OH YEAH, Mid-Life Crisis!”  --Maria
Sindacco Sabotage –
Sal has left you some armor and weapons in the garage under the house.
(If you played the PC version of GTA III, this was a garage you could
unlock with a downloadable trainer.)  Grab them if you need them, and
head off to the gang war down in Hepburn Heights.  This seems like an
impossible fight, but it can be done, at least, I did it the first time
through.  I only had two of my own family members left alive, but
apparently that was all I needed.  You just get several large waves of
SindocciÂ’s coming at you and youÂ’ve got to kill them all.  There is
health and armor laying around if you need it.  I saved it until the
fight was over so I would be fresh and new, but the armor was gone after
the street war was over, so get it while you can.  When its all said and
done, you get $1500.
The Trouble With Triads –
YouÂ’ve got to head down to the warehouse in Callahan Point.  (Remember