| Unlockable: | How to unlock: |
| Bestest Infiltrator (20) | Win an Infiltration map |
| Big Dipper (40) | Earn 21 stars in Challenge mode |
| Bipolar (10) | You've switched between Brian and Stewie 10 times |
| Bird is the Word (10) | Taunt 5 times in a row with Peter |
| Boom Headshot (15) | You've killed 75 enemies with headshots |
| Bunch of Chumps (15) | Survive 15 waves in Multiverse Madness |
| Cartoon Apocalypse (30) | Survive 30 waves in Multiverse Madness |
| Chicken Fight! (20) | You completed the "Chicken Fight!" level |
| Chickens In Space (20) | You completed the "Chickens In Space" level |
| Day Labor (15) | Destroy all of the piņatas in the "It's All Greek to Me" level |
| Employee of the Month (20) | Kill Vernon |
| First Kill (10) | You completed your first kill of a member of the opposing team in Multiplayer |
| Grease Can't Save You Now (20) | Win a Capture the "Greased-Up Deaf Guy" match |
| Handicapable (20) | You completed the "Handicapable" level |
| Head Shot (5) | You got your first head shot |
| Help From My Friends (15) | You used the collectible special inventory items 25 times in Story Mode |
| How Do I Jump? (5) | You killed yourself with a grenade or satchel charge |
| IEDead (15) | You've killed 60 enemies with grenades/explosives |
| It's All Greek To Me (20) | You completed the "It's All Greek To Me" level |
| Justified (40) | Kill 500 enemies using Brian |
| Kings of Quahog (20) | You have won a Deathmatch mode (free-for-all or as a team) |
| Little Dipper (15) | Earn 10 stars in Challenge mode |
| Lockdown (20) | You've shut out the other team from scoring in Capture the Greased-Up Deaf Guy |
| Long John Peter (20) | You completed the "Long John Peter" level |
| Mort Will Now Lend You Credit (30) | Buy everything available in the Store |
| Mr. Unpopular (5) | You selected Meg as a character for a Multiplayer Match |
| Multi-Kill (15) | You successfully performed a multi-kill with a melee weapon |
| Multi-kill with a grenade (15) | You successfully performed a multi-kill with a grenade |
| No Cheese, Please (20) | You completed the "No Cheese, Please" level |
| No Place Like Home (50) | You completed the "No Place Like Home" level |
| Obsessed (50) | You've completed all secondary objectives |
| One Shot Kills (5) | You've killed an enemy with one shot |
| Penny Pincher (40) | You've successfully collected $50,000 |
| Pervert (10) | Hang around the room with Quagmire in a baby costume for 30 seconds |
| Pussy Whipped (20) | You completed the "Pussy Whipped" level |
| Roadhouse (15) | You've meleed 3 members of the opposing team in Multiplayer |
| Santa's Sweatshop (20) | You completed the "Santa's Sweatshop" level |
| Scorched Earth (10) | You burned the Amish pot fields |
| Shut Up Meg (5) | You killed Meg during a Multiplayer Match |
| Something's Amish (20) | You completed the "Something's Amish" level |
| Stewie-nator (40) | Kill 500 enemies using Stewie |
| Teabag a D-Bag (5) | Taunt a dead opponent with Quagmire in Multiplayer |
| Teabaggin' (15) | You've successfully completed a taunt 25 times |
| The Cleaner (30) | You got a 10 kill streak in Deathmatch |
| There is no Cake (100) | Unlock all other Achievements |
| Ugly Tastes Terrible (5) | Play poorly during the final showdown |
| We Be Clubbing (15) | You defeated 10 enemies with a melee weapon |
| Wrecking Ball (20) | Smash your opponent into something 20 times in the "Chicken Fight!" level |
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