Rhena's public profile

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    Jun 13th, 2015

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I am sorry I have not been able to be with you. It seems to me that I am not needed or wanted and I just do not have the strength to fight. It is a major battle every day for me to get out of bed. To pretend to anyone around me that I am okay. Every night I dream of you. I live a whole life in my dreams that has been taken from me in real life. In these dreams nothing fantastic happens. It isn’t like I used to dream, of wonderful things and places to go and things to do. Now I dream of having dinner with you, taking you shopping, laying in the yard watching clouds go by. Some days I wake up happy, most times I wake up crying, because I woke up and my dream has been taken from me. I have given up any dreams I ever had. I have no dreams without you to share them with. I don’t care if I ever see the ocean, a whale, or the Rocky Mountains. I don’t care if I ever go to the zoo or the museum or to see a play or opera again. I really didn’t have wild dreams to begin with. But at least I did have them at one time. And after being a person who loved all holidays and all that went along with them (except for spending the day with my former in-laws), I now hate all holidays and refuse to have any part of celebrating them in even the smallest capacity. There is no reason for me to celebrate anything. I try to see a future. I can’t. You will not be there so there really is no future for me. I live in my past. I cry every day at least once. Most times, many times a day. I can’t watch most TV shows, commercials or even be around people anymore. I never tried to turn you against jon or use you to spy on him. I know he has done both. And he has done such a good job turning you against me. I cannot bring myself to tell you the painful truths that would correct his lies because I can’t bear to hurt you any more than he already has. I spent all of my time and energy trying to make you happy and make sure that you knew you were loved more than anything on earth. I have spent my entire life being hated by my family just for being born. I guess that is why I have never thought I deserved to have anything. Also, why I have never taken anything that wasn’t mine or why I would never teach hate of another person. I try so hard to make everyone else happy and I am always at the bottom of the list. I forgive too easily, and it lets people walk all over me. So maybe it is better that you weren’t with me. What would I have taught you? To be loving and forgiving. Pretty useless traits to have it seems. I wish you love and peace. To be comfortable with your own company and enjoy the silence. To be kinder than you need to be, everyone is fighting their own battles in life and you can never know what is in someone else’s heart. Remember, the true way to know someone’s character is to see how they treat those that are weaker than them and those that have nothing to offer in return. If you have too much to take charity, then you have enough to be charitable to someone else. He, who dies with the most toys, is still dead. I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion, and elimination of ignorance, selfishness, and greed. -- Dalai Lama I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. -- Dalai Lama Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. -- Dalai Lama A mom thinks about her kids, even if they're not with her. ♥ A mom loves her kids in a way that they will never understand. ♥ A mom will be there for her kids when no one else will. ♥ A mom loves her kids even when they neglect and hurt her. ♥ A mom will catch a grenade, take a bullet, stand in front of a train, stand up to a snake & ask God to take her instead of her child.

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